Socrates: Alcibiades got jealous when I was always hanging outside the gymnasium. But he doesn't seem to have a problem as long as I settle for teenage girls. What brings you here?
OPI: I am here to deliver a new nail polish shade.
Socrates: What is it called?
OPI: You will think me mad when I tell you.
Socrates: Is it a hideous color?
OPI: No...well, actually, yes. But that is not the reason. I have named it after you; it is called "Don't Socra-Tease Me!"
Socrates: ...Have you been sniffing hemlock?
OPI: Please, do you expect me to take advice on beauty products from someone whose idea of a well-put-together outfit includes gladiator sandals and a toga? Paris Hilton isn't hosting the Symposium tonight.
Socrates: When it comes to nail polish names, I know only that I know nothing. Will you enlighten me and tell me what makes a good nail polish name?
OPI: The best nail polish name, Socrates, is that which is beloved by the consumers.
Socrates: But is a nail polish name good because it is beloved by the consumers, OPI? Or is it beloved by the consumers because it is good?
OPI: You don't seem to understand how this industry works, Socrates. We have a few bowls of wine, toss an encyclopedia in the air, and throw a javelin at it. Whatever word it hits, we pay a slave boy to think of a word that sounds kind of like it and slap the name on the bottle. Give a few free samples to the disciples of Aphrodite, and bam! Suddenly they're lining up at the agora to tell you how witty your nail polish name is.
Socrates: Look, if you wanted to tell me you're a sophist, you could have just said so.
OPI: Anyway, I've got to run. I have a meeting scheduled with Sappho to work some product integration into her latest poem.
Socrates: I was wrong. I do know something. You guys suck.
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